今天

今天我发现有个女生经常在他的房间单独两人读书。
今天我发现那女生经常在他那儿睡午觉。他的房间变了。
多了一台我老早就催他带来宿舍的大电视。
地板上铺着一个睡单。她昨晚在这里睡吗？
她出现了。
她正准备来这里睡吗？
我的心好痛。
我很想哭。
今天我发现，我还受他影响。

我很辛苦。我很难过。我需要人陪。哥哥没有空。
我打电话给启迪。坤垒。我到editing room 去。
那里很热闹。全都是熟悉的脸孔。
我很开心。
Thom 看了我的作品，说很棒。
我很开心。很充实。

有个班上的男生告诉我：“可欣，你今天有漂亮的感觉。”
“什么漂亮的感觉？！ 为什么不是漂亮？！”
“ya lah. 很feminine.很美这样咯。”

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
是开心到。。。。！！！~



唱了自己写的歌。大家都说我超有才华。
MUAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!
真的是爽到。。。。。！！！~


朋友烘了蛋糕。带了一份给我。包得美美的给我。
天啊！超好吃的 CHEESE CAKE !!!!

EDIT 好了我的片子。在凌晨一点，在热闹的　EDITINGＲＯＯＭ　里弹ＧＵＩＴＡＲ．
两点多，下着雨，搭着同学的车回到房里。




我是开心的。


＝）

ZERO
billy corgan
� 1995 cinderful music/chrysalis songs (bmi)

my reflection, dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself
i'm your lover, i'm your zero
i'm the face in your dreams of glass
so save your prayers
for when you're really gonna need 'em
throw out your cares and fly
wanna go for a ride?

she's the one for me
she's all i really need
cause she's the one for me
emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness
bulls*** fakers, enchanted kingdoms
the fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
i never let on, that i was on a sinking ship
i never let on that i was down
you blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
you blame yourself for wanting more
she's the one for me
she's all i really need
she's the one for me
she's my one and only




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------





MAN~ i love the crude parts.


"my reflection, dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself"

"emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me"

"intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness"



A bit dark~ but it's still punchy~ i like~
heehee

After the break up~ i met up with spatts and spilled things out.
It is really tough telling all these to them.
And it was hell keeping all to myself.

It is difficult doing this.
I feel lonely. not because I don't have anything, but because i felt the absense of something.
I hate free time.

had been chatting online a lot with this classmate who truly stimulates my brain cells. We talk about life. About human. About ethics, about this world. About this life. Helps me get in touch with the world i am living in. Really would love to go traveling in Cambodia with him and a few other people whom i dunno. abit taken back by going with these group of bu shou people, but that's the idea~. It will be quite spiritual i believe. but i dun think possible~ it's just a 1 month holi. I going on holi with my family about 3 days? then i have the hall production to take care of. i dun mind going for a week of two man. but it's just too impossible with this hall production thingy tangling. maybe i'll wait till next 3months holi then. see if i am still as adventurous.haha.

I am still tired.
I should catch one more hour of sleep.
then it'll be 3~ i can set off then~ bye

Am I too uptight?
Am I too serious?
???
I think i am.

I should try to relax and take things easy.
I seriously suspect it to be a family thing.

Nainai is ALWAYS SOOOOOOOOOO GAN CHEONG!
Forcing you to gulp down the half-boiled eggs at one go (cause I love to eat it scoop by scoop).

Mother is so uptight too. She will rush the whole family like mad before we set off.

My younger brother is a chill~ kinda dude~. I think i took his share.

My elder brother? hmm... too organised for chances to reveal any gan cheong-ness. lolx.


Things DOES run in the blood. so interesting. it's things like this that keeps us human, and make things in this world less replacable.

I sort of decided to shift home.
At 10pm Monday night, I took a cab home after talking to mum.
I haven't been having a great week.
I had been wetting my pillows everyday.

I need to go home, where I am doted and cared for extensively, so that I can find strength to carry on smiling.

I am really lucky to have such a caring family.

Really really lucky.

=)

I am watching Hua Jing Nian Hua to destress, you know, tml is my shoot.
i feel so inprepared. I feel so scared, so inconfident.
Feel so insecured!!!
Wanted to go shopping at dhoby ghaut with jesscia and amin,but felt so guilty~
I should be stressed up and busy arranging things for tml's shoot and NOT shopping. but I really cannot think of things to touch up!~

Something must had been missed....
BOOHOO!!!!! =(

I think I won't be able to sleep tonight....
PANIC!!!


But anyway! back to the hua jing nian hua~ GOSH!
i realise their band is SO DAMN pro lah!~ super steady~ and the solo damn got punch~ (> x <) Sweats.... lihai de lao ren....

This teaches us one thing~ never to underestimate people. We had been cracking jokes about huang jing nian hua during band practice, never knew who we are messing with. tsktsktsk...

These few days had been hell...
Report and essay due, quiz held. Project discussion, Shoot preparation, desperately grabbing for actors. tsktsktsk

Since the times I belong to the playground, i never liked hide-and-seek.
I HATE it.

Right now I am playing hide and seek everyday.
Hidden from his church, his parents in singapore, his friends, even his study group.
Seeking him through handphone calls and messages which he seldom replies.
Maybe we should face it. If you wanna hide me, I am just so not going to stay with you. I belong to open air. I belong to sunshine. I belong to happiness and laughter. I don't belong to your life. I fit no where in there. We are busy, but at least I try to make time to be together and you don't even bother. Seems like there's nothing much to be said. When I am left with nothing to hold on, I will leave you. And right now, you are reaping off everything I can possibly hold on to. I am insecured, I am in the dark, I am unloved, I am uncared for, I am ignored, I am forgotten, I am rejected. We are distanting. Is this your plan? To help me get over the hard part of leaving you and then show me how much I should leave you? Being together with you was a mistake. A mistake which made me grow stronger and tougher. you are such a jerk, wasting all my time and youth and tears. I wish I never met you.