I SKETCH.

I got introduced to and addicted to ISKETCH yesterday.
It is DAMN ADDICTIVE.
You should try it.


www.isketch.net


and so~ the new big wholesome wardrobe is here. I like it. finally, i can pack my things in. previously I din't have a decent wardrobe. I shoo-ed off to make space for my little bro and shifted to my granny's wardrobe, which was stuffed with a lot of sofa covers, blanket, tonnes of curtains which i don't recall being hung in this apartment. Maybe I do, but it was when the curtains still looked like 3 storeys high. Retired curtains. I din't mind at first. It was quite alright since I was living in hall. But when I shift back, it is really a saddening thing. having no place to put my clothes. Much of it was kept in bags. But now, it's all contained and things are getting more permanant. I love the big wardrobe. i get to put all my stuffs in, bags, cosmetics, clothings, even caps~ in a nice display manner. but it really lacks lighting. So does this room. it is really tiring for eyes. So i gotta fix it.

I am feeling quite moody this morning. waking up at 9 snoozing till 9.54 dashing to on the computer to snatch accounting module. I am happy with the timetable for the timebeing. Found the letter he wrote for me, the 1000 sorry and the things he wrote. It is so ridiculous. Kexin would had felt so. I felt so. But it was this hearsay thing. This watching too much tv thing. Which keeps you thinking that love is some magical and no logic kinda thing which you yet to know. Which keeps you thinking that magic will happen. Which makes you abort your logic brain. It was a choice. It wasn't something that happened. like i said. It was greed.

I am proud that i snapped off my hair. I think subconsiously, I still hold the greed, of being exclusive to someone, of being special in one eyes.
When i was given a bit of attention, i tend to overreact. I am afraid, freaked off a bit, i don't want this to happen. It is illogical for someone to be interested in me and treat me exclusively without knowing me well. it is fake. It doesn't feel sincere and stable.

But still deep inside, i don't wanna lose this pamper. This is my greed. But i hate this greed. If i kept that hair, i will probably french plait it for someone else, or let it down and hide in it. The girly look is definately much more appealing in this market. Long hair let this greed in me to grow. I can't do so. I got dreams to live and talents that should not be put down to waste. When i act like a fragile girl who needs a guy, i will probably get one. guys love to protect. But I will also become a fragile girl. When I act, i feel terribly ashame and i feel fucked up. I can never live my dreams or write songs or make good films when I am not true to myself.

I need to try to recall who i was. I remember i was carefree. I remember I always felt happy and contented. I remember I was super true to myself and people i love. I needn't put on any pretense. There is something with me, pretending is always duper straining.


Kexin is coming back.