OH MAN!!! SWEET SWEET LION!!!

Oh my oh my!~
DAMN SWEET ISn'T iT?!?!

So simple~ so sweet. I too long for a simple life.
But I too long for a comfortable life.
And I too, greed over a luxurous life.
And I too, has a ego to feed, pride to hold.
Hence, i am not free.
Still stuck in this life i am in.
Maybe it can get simple you know. it's just me.
Film is simple, people make it complicated.


GOGOGO!!! JIAYOU!!!

I want to be a travel host.
I want to be the best travel host.

I will travel around, enjoying every place and show my viewers how I do so.
Make them envy, make them feel that they wanna enjoy.

I am too lethargic.
I should get my ass off this conventional singaporean route and start going somewhere in that area.


I want to enjoy life. I really want to do so.
I should stop running and hiding and take a good look at where I am and where I wanna go.


i don't like the current state I'm in.
i don't like the professors at all, who is so perfcectionist in their own wonderland which is every changing.
And who are so full of themselves.

I don't like the state my rooms are in.

I don't like the way the hall production is not going anywhere. The script is like perm on hold. The meeting is not held yet.

But I like the way my family is there for me.
i like the way I had gotten my new phone and it rocks.
I like the way zr and me had made a big breakthrough and things are finally truly getting back on track.
i like the way i had gotten myself a group for Public policy lesson.
I like the way i have xzr by my side.
I like the way i have a bunch of meinus plus UV with me.
I like botak jones with mom and nel~

I can make myself love this life better.
I ought to do so.
it's all in the head and heart.




Ok.
What life do I want?
enough money for everyday life.
Shopping in NTUC and sweeping stuffs off the shelves based on what I need or want, father than what I can afford.

I want a nice place to stay~ maybe I should like start doing aomething to my home room. Fix a fan, fix some good lights~ change the wardrobe. smuggle the radio in. find the best positioning.

I am sooooo lucky.

She was sooooo nice. She empathized with me.
She helped me read thru my script and pin point what the profs want.
Then I picked myself up so fast when a brainwave came whelming in!

i felt the strength to believe that one day, few years down the road, my movie will be on the big screen, you will be watching it with popcorn in ur hand.

I am soooooo lucky.
I know nice people do not exist everywhere.
I know.
SO I kknow i am lucky.
I really know!

Who planted all these nice people around me?

I feel so blessed. maybe I am a nice one too, planted around people to make them feel blessed.
then I should do my job more often! cannot slack~ hoho



=)

I just received a crude email from a professor. It was sore.

It was caused by a misunderstanding.




But I felt so weak.

It made me feel so weak....

I felt like crying.

I don't like this. I don't like people pushing and pushing and pushing for perfect things in me.

I don't like to witness the daybreak in front of the computor , editing editing and editing.

I don't like to be out there sweaty like mad carrying the dumbly heavy metal pieces and stands which seems to take forever to clear and you know, you hafta carry them back and fix them back to the same position in less than 12 hrs, and then, be carrying all these up again. and you look at the watch, it is 11 plus late night and you haven't gotten ur dinner. And you remember that you skipped lunch for carrying the metal rails to position.

I don't like to be mistrusted.

I don't like to fall sick.

I don't like to be mistreated.

Can i find my way about this system? if not, I gonna leave it then.










1) GET MC WHENEVER THERE IS A SLIGHTEST POSSIBILITY FOR IT TO BE NEEDED

2) STAY STRONG AND JUST FOCUS ON THE WORK








I HATE YOU JAMYZ!!!!!

OMG!~ I NEED A LAMP!!!!

Think I should really get the ikea lamp. my room is so damn dim~ i cannot work properly.

I am sick. Headache. Bad ones. Feel like I am jailing balls of fires within me.

I haven't been taking care of my body. So much stress. So much work. So many datelines. So little sleep. Skipping meals.

I don't like to feel so unhealthy. I like to feel good.

I wanna change my bed sheets, do the laundry~ cook a good meal. Watch a good film. write a great song. go for a jog. Go for a drink. Spend time with my family. i want to be enjoying life!

Life is so short.

I will get a new phone. Get a good meal. Get my eyebrow threaded.

My enter key is spoilt
The computer i used in the lab was spoilt, I needa redo my work for the 2nd time.
I had been slogging for so many days, physically and mentally, carrying metal rails for 90minutes per day. Setting off from hall at 9 and reaching hall at 12mn.
I had a quiz this morning.
I fell asleep yesterday so stressed up that I woke up this morning and din't feel that I slept. Felt damn sick, wanting to vomit and headaches.
I haven't had time to sit down in canteen to have a proper meal since dunno when.
My room is in a mess. Chargers still running with batt fully charged, bottle for cold water left out onn table. Clothes here and there. Bed undone.
The water in the flask stinks of plastic but I am so lazy to walk down the stairs to get new water.
I still have work undone, I need to get books for presentation next week.
I know next week I need to start pitching, that is, come up with 2 or more film ideas for my final work for this sem and get the promotional materials done.


I feel so much better now.
At least I wun have to carry all the weights for next week. =)
I can start having proper meals.
I can sleep well tonight.
I got the editing well done today, when it seems impossible to my frens and me yesterday. Tml's redo-ing will be easier.

Ke xin ah~ now is the time~ channel all the strength of yours and be happy and organised!
That can make you successful!

I think I'll be fine. It's just another impossible guy met. It's not like I haven't been through this shit before. The irony part is, this one was the one who cleanly pulled me out of that shit. It was when I got together with zr then ron's words start to totally not matter and he doesn't mean anything special to me at all, and only then, he could did me no harm. Oh, so will a 2nd zr appear and pull me out of this shit and eventually end me in another pile? Oh man, it better not happen,that will be too much a misfortunate love life. I din't really needed any guy special. I really din't. So why do they have to come and become special?

I love him. I think he loves me. He just din't give much shit sometimes or most of the times. Oh maybe he din't really loved me. Or maybe it is really just his character. Maybe I made a mistake,he din't love me deeply the way I did, maybe.
The sad part is that I still some what feel that we will be together~like it shouldn't end. But I am SO DAMN sure that he will not throw away his bad temper to get me back. He assured me that by his attitude and by my knowlege of him. Maybe he is a jerk. Wait. No. He is not a jerk. He just has a problem with handling situations and he is ungentlemanly and insensative and self-centred. He has lots of good too. He is very direct and frank and humorous and like a child.

Or maybe I was too easy. Whatever. Don't feel like thinking too much. Since distance made him listen, it might be as simple as this. We were too close? Whatever.




really.








whatever
WHATEVER

WHATEVER.

She will be loved

Just read taitai's blog. It was written like more than a year ago.
Her world seems so clear cut, love the way she tell her story from a 3rd person point of view. so funny~ so nice to read~

This girl is quite an extremist~.
She knows exactly how she feels and how she wants to react and reacts the way she wants.
She is hardly bounded by anything.
She has a big patch of tattoo which slapped right on her back. A beautiful lotus which she designed.
Once upon a time, Jo (aka taitai) was an inconfident girl. She has natural curly hair and a pair of beautiful light brown eyes. She loves her boyfriend. However, he releases her hand whenever a pretty girls walk by and is harsh to her, and oh how he HATES her curly hair. She rebonded her hair again and again, whenever the curls start to show a little. She felt terrible. But she couldn't let go, or rather, she did not want to let go. She suffered inside and cried again and again, whenever he let her down. She still held on. One day, the guy ditched her. There is nothing she can do to get him back. She was devastated. She cried even more~ She was so sad and lost, oh, how she loved this guy~ She soughted pain. She wanted to hurt herself. She designed a lotus and went to far east plaza, and got it done on her back as a tattoo. She felt the pain. She felt better. Then she moved on with life, still hurting. It was terrible.

One fine day~ she asked her friend for help in video-editing. Her friend introduced her to this guy named Danny~ who din't mind meeting Jo to teach her and help her with her project. They met. They hit it off. Danny fell deep in love with Jo. Perhaps it was mutual, but Jo was too scarred and too afraid to acknowlege anything along that line. Eventually, Dan won Jo over and they were together. However~ Jo told Dan honestly, " My heart is not with you" She needed time, she needed to learn to trust again before she can let herself fall. Dan understood. Dan wanted to help Jo.

Months passed. Dan embraced Jo with constant love and care. They laughed and learned and cared. Jo fell deep in love with Dan. More months passed. Jo was constantly busy with her freelance projects and often kept Dan waiting for hours. And she would flare up when Danny flares up and complain. Everytime, Danny compromises after that as he understoof that jo was stressed up by work. He saw the initial beauty that he saw in Jo. Jo was grateful. Soon, Dan proposed to Jo. Handed her the ring.~ Jo was so touched. This man helped her out of the shit she fell and was stuck in. This man taught her how to trust again and love again, by showering love, embracing her with total grace. This man loves her so much. This man wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Yes, the rest of his life. She felt flattered and that dan had loved her more than she deserved. She found her true destiny...

the first time I met jo, I immediately noticed this shiny ring on her finger. The 1st question I asked her was " Are you married?". That was who I knew Jo as, apart from her artistic talent, her frank and direct personality, she is ... a loved lady.

now you see her as blessed and lucky, but remember what horrible state she was once in?
Hang on and await your rainbow~=)