Happy new year!~

Slacking at home now~
Went to the carpenters today with mum and dad in the morning to choose a wardrobe.



TRUST ME.

WARDROBES ARE TO BE CHOOSEN VERY CAREFULLY.


I am DAMN particular with the way you showcase your clothes.
It has to be orderly, and APPEALING.
YES! APPEALING!

Take pride in dressing up! It is so fun! It is part of art of living man!~

My room is still pretty much in a mess.
Well, i discarded a lot of things~
i am not particularly happy about my mum throwing away my big cushion without telling me.
i am very pissed with mum trying to discard my big mirror which i picked up after they discard it after FOC.
I am very very VERY pissed with my space being invaded. You don't poke ur nose into my space and tell me what i should do please. seriously. it's a definate NO THANK YOU.

So ....ANYWAY!~ Today while chatting iwht chups on the phone~ i located this DOUBLE SPLIT END!!!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's two splits to this strand of hair. one... then further down, another one!!!
OMG!!! :'( i feel so unhealthy!!!!
I wan a hair cut!!!
:'(

take it easy

have I aged?
Or I am no longer fasicnated by slight signs of interest guys show in me.
hmm, i am still flattered, excited, but to a small extent.
A controllable extent.
I feel flattered and tired.
I am sick of adnormal acts.
I am sick of ambiguity, perhaps because i once gave ambiguity some respect maybe for the sake of love, and it turned out that it did me wrong. Ambiguity. how can one who lives with a clear mind and heart accept it?

I am still greedy.
Greed for being someone exclusive to a total stranger.
but this time round i am consious of such a greed.
So I gotta control it. Kill it.

Jm is like~ going to china tml for half a year.
yea~ across the universe...
=(

Across the universe

Watched across the universe.
People going across the universe, meeting people, knowing people, loving people, losing people, missing people, fighting for people.

I've always known that the world is big, but I, being a arrogant human-being, was never once truly afraid of how vast it is, never once truly impressed by it's size either. Perhaps with modern technology, man can get really arrogant.
You think you can keep in touch with people so well with sms and msn, but one day, you find yourself no longer knowing someone whom you cherish.
I think a plane ride is so convenient, a long distance call is just a skype away, that I am not taken back by my friends leaving me, across the universe, to australia, to china.
I think Time past so fast that it will be alright.
But Now I think again, I am a little afraid.
I am afraid of losing people.
Every morning when my father goes out to work while everyone's either sound asleep or not yet asleep, at 1-2am, I never dare to say good bye to him. There is something in me, which freaks me out. I always say "zai jian" the chinese gd bye.
Nel is leaving for australia, and so wil jac, and so will jiemin be leaving for china for half a year. Everyone's leaving.
They are going across the universe.
Yes, a Skype call away, a msn away, an email away but yes, it is still a far far away land.

So dear friends, please make friends there.


One thing which turns me off in Across the universe is how easily they fell in love.
Haha, was talking to mattina as we left cathay and we had this conversation:

MAT
My friend is getting married! She is same age as me( 21).

Me
huh?!

MAT
Ya! And the thing is, it's actually true love! ( how can this happen?! kinda tone)

ME
WHAT?! oh man...

MAT
Ya! I cannot believe it! So it actually exist. . They had been together for 6 years. So she's saying like, since it's a matter of time, so just get married before he gets to army. cus he's a sign on, so he actually gets into ns later. ya.

ME
But marriage is not pure romance, it is not something which love is enough. No money how to get married.

MAT
YA! exactly. She's someone who will plan de.

ME
Then how come?

MAT
Well... I guess it's true love? ( still cannot register kinda tone)

ME
ah.... ok...


Haiz~ well, we both have a hard time believing in true love will actually come to us. Maybe it is more like we have a hard time believing in the concept of true love. It is like too weird or too romantic a concept that it seems to not hold any sense of security. \

Love... what a overrated word.

100th post

Let me celebrate my 100th post by sharing with you all a very good short film.


short and powerful.



10 MINUTES BY AHMED IMAMOVIC

The result of a break up is close relationship with your class mates, and more time and energy to focus on your work.

As a result, you get more help form your classmates and you spend more time doing work, more than usual.


As a result, your result improve!!!

YAY!!!!!!!! =)
I got 2 As and 4Bs. Which is good enough for me to overload the next sem to clear some AU.
I am so happy! =)


Also as a result, you get closer with your classmates....

As a result, you get to know those whom you did not talk to before.

As a result, I got people to drive me home =)

Maybe One day I'll go get a license and buy a jeep~
Maybe one day I'll buy a shop house and open a cafe at the 1st floor.

CLOSING TIME

I am reorganising my life~ Time to close this chapter and move on.

=CLOSING TIME=

我累了。

真得很累。

IF you use 20 years to do one thing, you may then realise your power, and the meaning of life.

We need to listen to good music.

Like BEYOND's,.

It makes you wanna live your life meaningfully,
Makes you feel strong, makes you wanna fight.

Paul wong ( huang yi zhong) from beyond~ yes~ not a nice eng name but nvm! heheheh~ yea~ he said in one of the interviews , in canto la, but i'll translate " When you use 20 years to do one thing, it can be really amazing."

It is amazing indeed~ to devote 20 years of your short life to do 1 thing.

Film is definately a tough journey.

I guess this is pretty much it.

FILM AND MUSIC.

With this two, I can be really powerful.


I can really live something out of this short short life.

BEYOND

CHECK THIS OUT!~
I LOVE BEYOND.
rocking from the heart kinda feel.

My chemical romance is nice~ but ya, very commercial~ BUT BEYOND IS SO MAN, singing about their dreams , about society, about life, SO MAN!!! and so not MAIN STREAM!!!! So serious and, oh gosh~ awwww...~

The guitarist is like~ breathtaking~ his style~ his seh~ huang guan zhong paul wong. i know not a nice eng name~ but maybe he is here to cleanse that name.

I love him. :D

Had a really hard day yest. Twirling emotions.

Today was also around there.

And it sux to have so much hall stuffs bugging.

I really hate this.

Tml is subject registration~

i am still bugged.

How good if everyone treats each other sincerely?

How good if everyone is that simple.

I am so tired of this world.

I am so tired of all this bullshit.

And i am trapped in this hall marathon kinda rush~
volleyball manager.
Director/ script writer.

I am so sick of all this and I am so sick of hall that I physically felt like puking.
Feel so sick full day.

Was at mattina's place yest night~ her 21 bday~ it was a very low profile thing.
We just went to her place after hanging out at global sound cafe to chill and drink and play charade and talk cork~
KL drove me to potong pasir mrt station and i assured him i'm fine~ just then~ i realised that the mrt station is not open yet.
I walked all the way to another street and waited for hal an hour plus for 65. then took to kaki bukit to change to 25 and walked back home from bedok interchange then~ was at mrt at 5.30~ reached hoe at 7 plus.
I felt great~ like~ so independent and the chilling fresh air froze me. I used to hate it. I will always bring a jacket or shawl to keep myself away from the cold. i hate to be cold.
But now I sort of like it. It keeps me awake, alive even. keeps me strong.

slept for 3 hrs and dad woke me up so rudely by taking away my blanket. cus we needa rush as bro was meeting someone in hall at 11 and it was 10 pls, it is shifting day, out of hall i meant. I was awaken by the cold. I hate it. yes, maybe i do hate it but i just figured it out that it may be gd for me. And so it was a lot a lot of hard work shifting and packing till now. 11 plkus~ i had a short nap but yar~ i hate it when mum keeps nagging at high vol and loop it. And while packing, i found so many traces he let behind. the note he left me in the mike he bought me. His shoes. The guitar picks. the electric guitar. fuck.
" We hold on to each other yea? let's pull each other along the way and compromise. " and blablabla.
How good. I hate the fact that i still can't bring myself to totally register this fucking fact that he did all those selfish things to me, totally abandoning all his promises and all his words. I hate the fucking fact that I still love him so damn much. I hate the long one year plus we sticked by each other and was so heavily involved in each others life. He grew on me and we were so simply in love, why must everything turn out so satanically disguisting. why must he choose this ending? I'm sure he loved me. Why must he decide to take another route suddenly and why is he capable of doing so? and I am now stuck in this pile of hall shit


I feel like puking full day man. Maybe I am sick, I feel the whole world spinning and I dun like this.
I wan a world where everyone treats each other sincerely.
like me and my frens, me and my family.
She shd go and die. and she really should steer clear from my tail. Business, yea right~ fuck off.

MY NEXT FILM: untitled for the moment

你可能玩过一个心理测验。[ shows the word 日]
如果叫你在“日”字加一画，你会怎么加？
[permutating at fast speed all the characters possible, stop at 由]
我选“由”。
是最善的人。
[permutates at fast speed again, stops at 甲]
他选“甲”。
是最狠的人。

当时我就应该知道，他会伤害我。[ animated jia spiting heart shape with skull in it towards you, poof ~ whole screen fades thru white to lift scene]


[walks out of lift, talking to friend, looks forward, pans to her view, the girl panicing and looking at her. FV She walks forward, spot something. POV him sneaking off. FV her walking towards her.FV her walking towards her, opens mouth. pause]
几个小时前，我看见他们在一起。
他回避我。

[plays]
“你跟他在一起？”
“er…er…还没有啦。”
“don’t worry. 不管我的事。”

[Pause] 这样走开很潇洒，很帅气。可是我的心中涌起了一股不满。这股不满，来自那瞬间的回忆道带。

[rewind]



就从这里开始吧。你一开始不接我的电话，不回我的简讯的时候。
一开始我气。[sms and call , crossed]
然后 我很气。[sms furiously, call furiously]
然后，我慌。[call furiously, panic]
于是，我等。[sit outside his room, people pass by, talk to people, stand up call, look downstairs, pacing up and down, sit down. fades to black.]

“oei. 起来了。”
POV open eyes see him. He frowns, opens the door, and walk in.
他说他需要时间考虑是否应该继续这段感情。
这段时间别找他。别联络他。当他有决定的时候，他会告诉我。

我慌。
我问他
“为什么？”x4 [diff poses]
他回
“没有什么为什么。”
“你先回去。”x3 [ diff poses]
Ms me out of room at the door, light from the door cuts off as he closes the door.

我哭。[ in bed]
我哭。[in front of laptop.]
我哭。[on bus]
我哭。[toilet cubicle]
我哭。[lecture]

［哭着说］one fillet o fish meal
＂ｕｐｓｉｚｅ？＂
No
ｍｅｍｂｅｒ？
Yes.　［ｔａｋｅｓ　ｏｕｔ　ｃａｒｄ，　ｔａｐ］
＂ｅｒ．．．　ａ　ｍｏｍｅｎｔ　ｍｄｍ．＂
＂ｍｄｍ，ｙｏｕｒ　ｍｅａｌ．　＄４．７０　ｐｌｅａｓｅ．＂
［ｈａｎｄｓｏｖｅｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｏｎｅｙ．ｗａｌｋｓ　ｏｆｆ　］

＂ｍｄｍｙｏｕｒ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ！　ｍｄｍ！＂
［ｗａｌｋｓｂａｃｋ．ｔａｋｅｓ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ．　ｗａｌｋｓ　ｏｆｆ］

就是这样。哪里都哭。做什么都哭。
没课的日子。我躲在房间哭。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。
去你哪儿找你，你不在，听说跟她出门了。
回房。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。
去你哪儿找你。你生气。把我赶出门。
回房。我躲在房间哭。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。ｓｍｓ你。
第二天早上起身，看手机，没有你的回复。
我躲回被单里。哭啊哭。就这样哭到傍晚，梳洗一下，去上课。
朋友问我　［shows kl］　“哇！为什么你的眼睛呢么肿？！”　［ｐａｕｓｅ］
我回　［ｍｅ］“我睡了整天。”　［ｓｍｉｌｅｓ　ｙａｗｎ］
［kl］“哇！你这只猪。”

猪也好。人也好。我不能让朋友知道我天天哭。如果妈妈，朋友们，全知道他这样对我，那岂不是给他判了死刑。应此，在这段时间内，对电话那头的妈妈来说，

“你伤风啊？”
“对咯。每天在ｅｄｉｔｉｎｇ　ｌａｂ．冷到要死。”

对朋友们来说，我是只伤风的

［ｋｌ］“猪！”


一个晚上，妈妈问我上风好了吗？我告诉她事实。我第一次让她听到我哭。[cry]

她叫我立刻回家。我叫了德士。[ cab drive off]
回家去。他知道。那晚，他第一次ＳＭＳ我。也是第一次打电话给我。说以后不会再赶我出门了。



第二天，我回去，见到他。才发现他还没决定要不要继续这段感情。

我那伤风的日子没了断。我不能这样过。

几天后，我比他给我答案，要分手还是继续。

我打电话给他。如果不接，就是要分手。
他没接。

几天后，发现他跟她在一起了。

想起那时我觉得他们之间比我们之间还亲近，对他说过：
“你不要跟她那么亲近。每晚跟她在楼下读书，我可以去吗？”

他说我不可理喻。生气地走了。

伤风的日子里我总是自责，为什么自己那么过分，让你压力大的要放弃这段感情。

但发现你们在一起的时候，我突然想起坤垒：
“你这只猪！”



我的伤风渐渐复原了。
因为天天都在ｅｄｉｔｉｎｇ　ｌａｂ里忙。又有一群好朋友吵吵闹闹的，把“伤风”的细菌占时吓跑。［friends in adm advertisement style］

就在这个时候，你又回来了。这个时候， 你又回来了。他在我家楼下待了两晚。
FV him,
“I realize you are the person I love. I can only love you! Please….Believe me la. She is nothing, I will tell her,. I can’t tell her now. I will tell her soon! I can only love you and I only loved you all along. She was just a mistake. I promise, I will treat you so many so many times better than before! Trust me please…come back to me. ” [CU cries]

他哭得好惨。

[ms him]
[ms me cry]
“It’s won’t work out.” ( it will, I will make it work.)
“You will get tired of it and give up.” ( no I won’t.)
“yes you will.” ( no I won’t)
“Yes you will.” ( no I won’t)
“Yes you will.” (no I won’t)
[suddenly hugs him]
[ms me hugging him, him crying in my arms]
(thank you… thank you…)


电话和简讯回来了。
但是很快，又不见了。

“ I love you. But我们是不可能的。我看着你我的愧疚感太强了。I know I hurt you again. Sorry lah. 我现在不可能去见你的。你哭再多也没有用。There’s nothing I can do. Sorry lor. I think I am not ready for relationship yet la.”

[rewinds]


[back to cathay]


“你跟他在一起？”
“er…er…还没有啦。”
“don’t worry. 不管我的事。”

[ walks away, stop, turns back]

“Maybe I should go say hi.”

[follow into the cd shop. Taps his shoulder. He turns around. Slap. Walk away.]


[Walking out. “好了。走吧。”　Discussion of where to go, I look on the floor. CU on eyes, tearing]

看到这里，就算我真的是坤垒口中的猪，也应该知道这个人不值得我为他掉眼泪。
［walks out of cathay building and towards PS］
我不是猪。
也不是一个笨女人。
我只是一个很用心，很执著于爱一个人的女人。


我快步走在路上。

冷风逆着我，刮得好大

无袖上衣。迷你裙。

暴力地颤抖着的身体。

飙着热泪的眼睛。

感觉身体的每一个细胞都激动地站了起来，准备要很勇敢。

我突然有一股冲动。

要成为一个很坚强的人。

要过得很好很好。

Did I ever tell you guys about the pek chek thing myseniors told me?

ELLEN
Kexin, ask you ah, do you have many guys wooing you?

K
AH?! why ?

ELLEN
cus me and shiqi was htinking, you shd haf a lot of guys wooing you.

K
why?!

ELLEN
cus normally ah~ the more imperfect~ the more the princely guys will go for. not say imperfect lah~ but~ aiyah~ ya lor~

K
what logic?! qi si wo le! lidat shoot me!

ELLEN
no lah~ aiyah~ if dun haf then u shd go korea~ sure got a lot de~ korean drama all lidat

K
hello~ then last third word is DRAMA






Thank you very much...=(
but its ok. i still love her. =)

触电

今天我被电到了一下！
ｈｅｈｅｈｅｈｅ！！！　

星期六会不会看到他？


突然有了　Ｊ　Ｃ　的感觉。
ｈａｈａｈａ！

RESEARCH ON TATTOOS

PAPA's BIRTHDAY

Friday was dad's lunar bday. mom dad kor and me went on a mini celebration.

I cannot describe how much I like the chinese fonts on the receipt!~ so got feel~ !!!

I took a photo of kor on the lorry back on the way back home.

Had to leave home the day after the celebration to work on my film. it was saturday~ so damn sian~

BUT!!!

You can always brighten up your day by being experimental and permutating your ntops and bottoms!!!

and so.....

i did . With:

1) My brothers unwanted berms

2) a $5 halter top I bought in Taiwan.

3) a $12.90 coat I bought from the ex-SOGO shopping mall at bugis. Forgot it's name now, BHG? something around this line.

and BOOM! YOU GET COCO CRUNCH!!!! =D

haha, Nel, maybe you are right, I AM getting a little crazy~ hahahah~

AND SO...

BOOM!!!! YOU GET THIS----------vvv

So anyway, my film was done. With some awkard noise here and there but I really couldn't give a damn cus public policy was like burning my ass already~ i only studied for it like less than half a day? but it should be fine~ =)

I got 10 invitation to give.
I wish nainai can be there to view it, I really wish.
i miss her so much.

So anyway~ i think i invited much more than 10, haha~ so i shall ask from my friends for extra invitation. If I am ot wrong, they have a lot of extras. So i will just keep inviting. haha.so that I will have the loudest claps. muahahaHAHAH!!!!

Actually the above was all from a prev entry which i forgot to post but instead, saved as draft. here coems today's entry!!!

...JAPAN STREET FASHION...

i was told that On New York street, no one gives a damn about what you wear. So you can just wear whatever you want wthout an concerns. but the thing is, NO ONE CARES. not "people don't mind and is accepting to all fashion". So it's not a nice street after all. BUT! In japan, people are so damn open to all sorts of fashion, and this is so damn cool!~


I SWEAR I am SOOOOO going to walk on the tokyo street one day. But before that, let's have a sneak preview of that street I yearn to lay my feet on. heeheeHEE~=)

The pale girl is really special i feel, among the rest, she is really plain but yet special and she deinately stands out. I really like way jap fashion and japanese can let go and just whack and I like all the personal and random stuffs like the handphone accessories, makes things so personalised and interesting!

After a failed relationship and a tonne of stress here and there, i really dun think I know this world anymore.

I mean, I used to have a lot of structured thougths and perceptions of a happylife, or rather, how this and that should be. But I think I should just throw them all away. Those are just fake stuffs which the TV tells me and my parents had been believing in or had been told to believe in.

I am just going to rely my innate senses to lead me to a happy life.

Eat whatever my taste buds tell me is tasty.

Look at what my eyes tell me is beautiful.

Listen to what my heart tell me to believe.

Wear what I feel like wearing.

Oh my oh my....

monday is my film deadline. and everything will be locked.

monday is my public policy exam.

monday will be my mini exam break.

monday i will be looking forward to my film screening on saturday.

my baby....




AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







so freaking scary!!!

I will be trembling while my film goes on the big screen man..... i think i will be staring at the audience instead. i better settle the sound later in lab.


I feel the butterflies man.....>x< !!!


i am so damn damn damn freaked!!!!!





























oh anyway~ i really like my bro's ibook man...~
small and the power adapter is like~ so light and portable~ i like the idea of bringing laptop all around~ i love it~

Wow~ can't believe that was my last post.
it has been almost 2weeks and I had really gone thru a lot.

He came to look for me and he wanted me back.


i'll update again.


my head is bursting.

tml's the 20% quiz



I hate my profs and i hate to face them tml.




How can life get so stressful.

I stil have 4days to study my public policy exam

I still have 3days to finish my film and poster.





I wish i never had her as my prof.






stress machine








I wanna sleep my day away please............






but i cant

今天

今天我发现有个女生经常在他的房间单独两人读书。
今天我发现那女生经常在他那儿睡午觉。他的房间变了。
多了一台我老早就催他带来宿舍的大电视。
地板上铺着一个睡单。她昨晚在这里睡吗？
她出现了。
她正准备来这里睡吗？
我的心好痛。
我很想哭。
今天我发现，我还受他影响。

我很辛苦。我很难过。我需要人陪。哥哥没有空。
我打电话给启迪。坤垒。我到editing room 去。
那里很热闹。全都是熟悉的脸孔。
我很开心。
Thom 看了我的作品，说很棒。
我很开心。很充实。

有个班上的男生告诉我：“可欣，你今天有漂亮的感觉。”
“什么漂亮的感觉？！ 为什么不是漂亮？！”
“ya lah. 很feminine.很美这样咯。”

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
是开心到。。。。！！！~



唱了自己写的歌。大家都说我超有才华。
MUAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!
真的是爽到。。。。。！！！~


朋友烘了蛋糕。带了一份给我。包得美美的给我。
天啊！超好吃的 CHEESE CAKE !!!!

EDIT 好了我的片子。在凌晨一点，在热闹的　EDITINGＲＯＯＭ　里弹ＧＵＩＴＡＲ．
两点多，下着雨，搭着同学的车回到房里。




我是开心的。


＝）

ZERO
billy corgan
� 1995 cinderful music/chrysalis songs (bmi)

my reflection, dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself
i'm your lover, i'm your zero
i'm the face in your dreams of glass
so save your prayers
for when you're really gonna need 'em
throw out your cares and fly
wanna go for a ride?

she's the one for me
she's all i really need
cause she's the one for me
emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness
bulls*** fakers, enchanted kingdoms
the fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
i never let on, that i was on a sinking ship
i never let on that i was down
you blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
you blame yourself for wanting more
she's the one for me
she's all i really need
she's the one for me
she's my one and only




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------





MAN~ i love the crude parts.


"my reflection, dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself"

"emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me"

"intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness"



A bit dark~ but it's still punchy~ i like~
heehee

After the break up~ i met up with spatts and spilled things out.
It is really tough telling all these to them.
And it was hell keeping all to myself.

It is difficult doing this.
I feel lonely. not because I don't have anything, but because i felt the absense of something.
I hate free time.

had been chatting online a lot with this classmate who truly stimulates my brain cells. We talk about life. About human. About ethics, about this world. About this life. Helps me get in touch with the world i am living in. Really would love to go traveling in Cambodia with him and a few other people whom i dunno. abit taken back by going with these group of bu shou people, but that's the idea~. It will be quite spiritual i believe. but i dun think possible~ it's just a 1 month holi. I going on holi with my family about 3 days? then i have the hall production to take care of. i dun mind going for a week of two man. but it's just too impossible with this hall production thingy tangling. maybe i'll wait till next 3months holi then. see if i am still as adventurous.haha.

I am still tired.
I should catch one more hour of sleep.
then it'll be 3~ i can set off then~ bye

Am I too uptight?
Am I too serious?
???
I think i am.

I should try to relax and take things easy.
I seriously suspect it to be a family thing.

Nainai is ALWAYS SOOOOOOOOOO GAN CHEONG!
Forcing you to gulp down the half-boiled eggs at one go (cause I love to eat it scoop by scoop).

Mother is so uptight too. She will rush the whole family like mad before we set off.

My younger brother is a chill~ kinda dude~. I think i took his share.

My elder brother? hmm... too organised for chances to reveal any gan cheong-ness. lolx.


Things DOES run in the blood. so interesting. it's things like this that keeps us human, and make things in this world less replacable.

I sort of decided to shift home.
At 10pm Monday night, I took a cab home after talking to mum.
I haven't been having a great week.
I had been wetting my pillows everyday.

I need to go home, where I am doted and cared for extensively, so that I can find strength to carry on smiling.

I am really lucky to have such a caring family.

Really really lucky.

=)

I am watching Hua Jing Nian Hua to destress, you know, tml is my shoot.
i feel so inprepared. I feel so scared, so inconfident.
Feel so insecured!!!
Wanted to go shopping at dhoby ghaut with jesscia and amin,but felt so guilty~
I should be stressed up and busy arranging things for tml's shoot and NOT shopping. but I really cannot think of things to touch up!~

Something must had been missed....
BOOHOO!!!!! =(

I think I won't be able to sleep tonight....
PANIC!!!


But anyway! back to the hua jing nian hua~ GOSH!
i realise their band is SO DAMN pro lah!~ super steady~ and the solo damn got punch~ (> x <) Sweats.... lihai de lao ren....

This teaches us one thing~ never to underestimate people. We had been cracking jokes about huang jing nian hua during band practice, never knew who we are messing with. tsktsktsk...

These few days had been hell...
Report and essay due, quiz held. Project discussion, Shoot preparation, desperately grabbing for actors. tsktsktsk

Since the times I belong to the playground, i never liked hide-and-seek.
I HATE it.

Right now I am playing hide and seek everyday.
Hidden from his church, his parents in singapore, his friends, even his study group.
Seeking him through handphone calls and messages which he seldom replies.
Maybe we should face it. If you wanna hide me, I am just so not going to stay with you. I belong to open air. I belong to sunshine. I belong to happiness and laughter. I don't belong to your life. I fit no where in there. We are busy, but at least I try to make time to be together and you don't even bother. Seems like there's nothing much to be said. When I am left with nothing to hold on, I will leave you. And right now, you are reaping off everything I can possibly hold on to. I am insecured, I am in the dark, I am unloved, I am uncared for, I am ignored, I am forgotten, I am rejected. We are distanting. Is this your plan? To help me get over the hard part of leaving you and then show me how much I should leave you? Being together with you was a mistake. A mistake which made me grow stronger and tougher. you are such a jerk, wasting all my time and youth and tears. I wish I never met you.

I think my luck lady is back.

I am allowed to shoot my film this weekend.

My script module prof came to talk to me during the shoot on sat/sun that my story was impressive.

The professor of my film module , you remember, the one I emailed her to demand for shoot.
I asked her if she received my email. She said yes, but she couldn't access the script. Could only view another file i attached, that is, the story. She says it's great and amazing. Ask me if I want to shoot on the coming weekend and what I need.

I am sOOO not used to hearing such stuff from her.

I am so damn not used.

But it's fine, I'll take it.



“Every Monday to Friday, 1pm”

This story is about the change of a boy’s attitude towards every Monday to Friday, 1pm, when his grandmother awaits him at his school gate.

Every Monday to Friday at 1pm, Boy’s grandmother will wait patiently at the gate of his school for boy. To boy, it is the moment of shame every Monday to Friday at 1pm. His grandmother always wait there in her wheelchair, with a big bag of empty cans and a bag of tissue packs, and she tries to sell the students tissue packs. Boy feels terribly embarrassed by her, and will always wait in an empty classroom for the schoolmates to empty the school, so as to avoid being seen with his grandmother.

One day, he chanced upon a screwdriver, and that was when his mischief set in. He loosened the screws of the wheelchair while his grandmother is showering. He thought that this is a perfect plan to keep her from going to his school. But he very soon regretted when he finds his grandmother fallen and injured at home. Other than feeling guilty, he was surprised to find himself missing the presence of his grandmother. He dig for the screwdriver and fixed up the wheelchair.

One day at 1pm, he is no longer feeling shame, but instead feeling please to see that his grandmother had recovered and is back at the gate, waiting for him.





Now the problem is, I need to find a wheelchaired old lady!!! and a little boy, my boy flew me aeroplane, that is, turned me down now. fine. I hope weimin's niece can make it. but it's not very positive for now. I'll try asking my aunt to act for me, she's in her 60s but always looks so modern... I think I'll just try to olden her if she can make it. Well, she haven't fully recover from her previous stroke and memory is not serving her right. but she's fine. I'll see if her family is comfortable with that.

1 report due tml.
1 essay and 2 quiz on thursday.
Actors to be found.
Props and lighting map and camera movement plan to be finalised.

i am a happy busy lady now. =)

Oh god, what had I been doing?

I just emailed my prof to demand for my short film to be shot.
The reason to why i ended up so pathetic and crying all day is because I chose to take up the role of the victim, the powerless.
As long as you feel that you are right, don't bend your knees like I did. She won because she was stubborn like an ox.
She won because she shouted louder than me.
She won because I cried.
She won because she continue to shout when I cry.

but this is not going to continue.


Dear Wenshing,

The attached is my script and treatment which i just sent to jaymz.
Please take a look when you see this email, as this will ensure that we get a fair chance to experience making our own film.
It is important for us to have this experience.
Yes being the art director of Amin's film is exciting and challenging too. But all other coursemates are having this experience as a art director or DP too. I feel that we shouldn't be depreived of this experience. Shouldn't we be given equal chance to explore and experience and to see our own baby on the big screen no matter how ugly it turns out to be? Fair chance to succeed or to fail and climb up again as a better person? It is unfair to me if I am to be judged as ready or not to make a film just by looking at the script, which is under the script-writing module and not the digital film-making module. I think a fair judgement of my readiness to make my film should come after seeing my film.

I need your guidiance, I really do.
But other than guidiance, I believe that it is also important to learn through our own experience. The two should go hand in hand, both as important. I hope that you can let me embark on my own journey as a film maker and guide me along.

Regards,
Kexin

I am going to fight back.
why did i have to go to another professor who is of higher authority, to get him to help me try to talk wen-shing out?
This is my journey to being a film-maker.
This is my business.
i can deal with this.
If it doesn't work, i will find the dean.
If it still doesn't work, then it is getting plain too ridiculous.
I will find the papers.


this had been going way to ridiculous.
This has to stop.
If i dun start defending myself now at the age of 20, I am going to be so fo rthe rest of my life.

this all came to me when i suddenly recall this part of my memory, when i was P5. A super fierce teacher accused me of talking during assembly. The bitch beside me told the teacher as well that i talked to her. I am so fucking agitated. I cried. But I stood damn firmly that I did not talk and that i am wrongly accused. my teacher was damn shocked. And she ask me then why that stupid teacher said that I talked. I cont with my repeatative" I nv talk!" dialouge. She asked me if i wanna go find that teacher to ask her why she accuse me of talking then. i said yes. And i really did. She was damn shocked i swear. She was taken back. i cried in front of two classes but i wasn't afraid. i was proud.

What happened to me? Where is my guts? At least it's back now. And I hope it stays for good. Dear friends, be strong.

Karene

My leg aches from the sunday run.

Here's my new story for my 5min short film.

Karene is mugging overnight again.
She is down with fever. She finished her water, hence, ate her pills with coffee instead. Coffee ran out as well. She grabs a can of coke from her fridge and starts gulping. She felt a sharp pain within her and hence made her way to the toilet.
However, as she opens the door, she enters a garden!
She felt no pain and she is now in a beautiful red dress, all freshened up. She saw two kids waiting for her, with a red balloon linked to an empty coke can and a flower. Both items had the note " For Serene " written on it. They handed both items to her and she enters her world of eutopia where everything is perfect. She is well-loved by everyone she sees and suddenly it is all about enjoying life.
She hears beeping sound, getting louder and louder.
people starts disappearing and as the camera close up to her eyes, it dissolves through white and you see a blurred vision of a doctor. you see her on bed in a hospital with the heartbeat machine going beep, beep.
She looks around. She smiles.


Sometimes i really hope this can happen to me.
you know, at times when you feel so bloody stressed up by fucked up people who keeps pissing you off and making you feel worthless?
you keep pushing yourself, pushing and pushing, cause you have to meet deadlines. cause you have to do a good job. cause you have to please your professors and get good grades. At one point, you hope you can just collapse. hope you wake up in the hospital saying you are unfit for all these stress and you should quit school. Then you quit school and lead a simple life, earning less. You may say " wah, you don't have to wait for that. you can just quit school if you want right now!"
Yes....and No.
Uni means degree, means incresing the probability of making good money, means cleverer, means more superior, more high-class.
This is too tempting a package.
You can't just give it up like this. not with a strongly programmed weak mind like mine.
End of the day, it may not worth all this shit. But at least you took the "safe route".
All my life I am taking the safe route. I haven't start living. I am studying, which will get me "somewhere".

Sometimes i wonder if life is really such a highly skill and knowledge intensive industry.
I wonder if life is really so taxing.
Or can it, like what is belived in a small naive and inconfident part of my brain and heart, be simple?

Film is like a snapping shark. Snapping furiously behind me. If i stop running, I will be flat dead. I don't have time to think. Of maybe I have. But I don't have time to really decide for myself what i should feel towards the way I am leading my life and evaluate myself thoroughly. I am chased by deadlines and commitments. I can't hide. They WILL track me down faster then I can imagine. Well I tried a little.


Actually i think right now the most important thing and of upmost priority is to adjust my mindset and attitude so that I can enjoy this part of my life, until this whole shit is over and I get to breath clean and slow, then I can go through all the decision stuffs.

KARENE!!!! TAKE ME ALONG!!!!!

OH MAN!!! SWEET SWEET LION!!!

Oh my oh my!~
DAMN SWEET ISn'T iT?!?!

So simple~ so sweet. I too long for a simple life.
But I too long for a comfortable life.
And I too, greed over a luxurous life.
And I too, has a ego to feed, pride to hold.
Hence, i am not free.
Still stuck in this life i am in.
Maybe it can get simple you know. it's just me.
Film is simple, people make it complicated.


GOGOGO!!! JIAYOU!!!

I want to be a travel host.
I want to be the best travel host.

I will travel around, enjoying every place and show my viewers how I do so.
Make them envy, make them feel that they wanna enjoy.

I am too lethargic.
I should get my ass off this conventional singaporean route and start going somewhere in that area.


I want to enjoy life. I really want to do so.
I should stop running and hiding and take a good look at where I am and where I wanna go.


i don't like the current state I'm in.
i don't like the professors at all, who is so perfcectionist in their own wonderland which is every changing.
And who are so full of themselves.

I don't like the state my rooms are in.

I don't like the way the hall production is not going anywhere. The script is like perm on hold. The meeting is not held yet.

But I like the way my family is there for me.
i like the way I had gotten my new phone and it rocks.
I like the way zr and me had made a big breakthrough and things are finally truly getting back on track.
i like the way i had gotten myself a group for Public policy lesson.
I like the way i have xzr by my side.
I like the way i have a bunch of meinus plus UV with me.
I like botak jones with mom and nel~

I can make myself love this life better.
I ought to do so.
it's all in the head and heart.




Ok.
What life do I want?
enough money for everyday life.
Shopping in NTUC and sweeping stuffs off the shelves based on what I need or want, father than what I can afford.

I want a nice place to stay~ maybe I should like start doing aomething to my home room. Fix a fan, fix some good lights~ change the wardrobe. smuggle the radio in. find the best positioning.

I am sooooo lucky.

She was sooooo nice. She empathized with me.
She helped me read thru my script and pin point what the profs want.
Then I picked myself up so fast when a brainwave came whelming in!

i felt the strength to believe that one day, few years down the road, my movie will be on the big screen, you will be watching it with popcorn in ur hand.

I am soooooo lucky.
I know nice people do not exist everywhere.
I know.
SO I kknow i am lucky.
I really know!

Who planted all these nice people around me?

I feel so blessed. maybe I am a nice one too, planted around people to make them feel blessed.
then I should do my job more often! cannot slack~ hoho



=)

I just received a crude email from a professor. It was sore.

It was caused by a misunderstanding.




But I felt so weak.

It made me feel so weak....

I felt like crying.

I don't like this. I don't like people pushing and pushing and pushing for perfect things in me.

I don't like to witness the daybreak in front of the computor , editing editing and editing.

I don't like to be out there sweaty like mad carrying the dumbly heavy metal pieces and stands which seems to take forever to clear and you know, you hafta carry them back and fix them back to the same position in less than 12 hrs, and then, be carrying all these up again. and you look at the watch, it is 11 plus late night and you haven't gotten ur dinner. And you remember that you skipped lunch for carrying the metal rails to position.

I don't like to be mistrusted.

I don't like to fall sick.

I don't like to be mistreated.

Can i find my way about this system? if not, I gonna leave it then.










1) GET MC WHENEVER THERE IS A SLIGHTEST POSSIBILITY FOR IT TO BE NEEDED

2) STAY STRONG AND JUST FOCUS ON THE WORK








I HATE YOU JAMYZ!!!!!

OMG!~ I NEED A LAMP!!!!

Think I should really get the ikea lamp. my room is so damn dim~ i cannot work properly.

I am sick. Headache. Bad ones. Feel like I am jailing balls of fires within me.

I haven't been taking care of my body. So much stress. So much work. So many datelines. So little sleep. Skipping meals.

I don't like to feel so unhealthy. I like to feel good.

I wanna change my bed sheets, do the laundry~ cook a good meal. Watch a good film. write a great song. go for a jog. Go for a drink. Spend time with my family. i want to be enjoying life!

Life is so short.

I will get a new phone. Get a good meal. Get my eyebrow threaded.

My enter key is spoilt
The computer i used in the lab was spoilt, I needa redo my work for the 2nd time.
I had been slogging for so many days, physically and mentally, carrying metal rails for 90minutes per day. Setting off from hall at 9 and reaching hall at 12mn.
I had a quiz this morning.
I fell asleep yesterday so stressed up that I woke up this morning and din't feel that I slept. Felt damn sick, wanting to vomit and headaches.
I haven't had time to sit down in canteen to have a proper meal since dunno when.
My room is in a mess. Chargers still running with batt fully charged, bottle for cold water left out onn table. Clothes here and there. Bed undone.
The water in the flask stinks of plastic but I am so lazy to walk down the stairs to get new water.
I still have work undone, I need to get books for presentation next week.
I know next week I need to start pitching, that is, come up with 2 or more film ideas for my final work for this sem and get the promotional materials done.


I feel so much better now.
At least I wun have to carry all the weights for next week. =)
I can start having proper meals.
I can sleep well tonight.
I got the editing well done today, when it seems impossible to my frens and me yesterday. Tml's redo-ing will be easier.

Ke xin ah~ now is the time~ channel all the strength of yours and be happy and organised!
That can make you successful!

I think I'll be fine. It's just another impossible guy met. It's not like I haven't been through this shit before. The irony part is, this one was the one who cleanly pulled me out of that shit. It was when I got together with zr then ron's words start to totally not matter and he doesn't mean anything special to me at all, and only then, he could did me no harm. Oh, so will a 2nd zr appear and pull me out of this shit and eventually end me in another pile? Oh man, it better not happen,that will be too much a misfortunate love life. I din't really needed any guy special. I really din't. So why do they have to come and become special?

I love him. I think he loves me. He just din't give much shit sometimes or most of the times. Oh maybe he din't really loved me. Or maybe it is really just his character. Maybe I made a mistake,he din't love me deeply the way I did, maybe.
The sad part is that I still some what feel that we will be together~like it shouldn't end. But I am SO DAMN sure that he will not throw away his bad temper to get me back. He assured me that by his attitude and by my knowlege of him. Maybe he is a jerk. Wait. No. He is not a jerk. He just has a problem with handling situations and he is ungentlemanly and insensative and self-centred. He has lots of good too. He is very direct and frank and humorous and like a child.

Or maybe I was too easy. Whatever. Don't feel like thinking too much. Since distance made him listen, it might be as simple as this. We were too close? Whatever.




really.








whatever
WHATEVER

WHATEVER.

She will be loved

Just read taitai's blog. It was written like more than a year ago.
Her world seems so clear cut, love the way she tell her story from a 3rd person point of view. so funny~ so nice to read~

This girl is quite an extremist~.
She knows exactly how she feels and how she wants to react and reacts the way she wants.
She is hardly bounded by anything.
She has a big patch of tattoo which slapped right on her back. A beautiful lotus which she designed.
Once upon a time, Jo (aka taitai) was an inconfident girl. She has natural curly hair and a pair of beautiful light brown eyes. She loves her boyfriend. However, he releases her hand whenever a pretty girls walk by and is harsh to her, and oh how he HATES her curly hair. She rebonded her hair again and again, whenever the curls start to show a little. She felt terrible. But she couldn't let go, or rather, she did not want to let go. She suffered inside and cried again and again, whenever he let her down. She still held on. One day, the guy ditched her. There is nothing she can do to get him back. She was devastated. She cried even more~ She was so sad and lost, oh, how she loved this guy~ She soughted pain. She wanted to hurt herself. She designed a lotus and went to far east plaza, and got it done on her back as a tattoo. She felt the pain. She felt better. Then she moved on with life, still hurting. It was terrible.

One fine day~ she asked her friend for help in video-editing. Her friend introduced her to this guy named Danny~ who din't mind meeting Jo to teach her and help her with her project. They met. They hit it off. Danny fell deep in love with Jo. Perhaps it was mutual, but Jo was too scarred and too afraid to acknowlege anything along that line. Eventually, Dan won Jo over and they were together. However~ Jo told Dan honestly, " My heart is not with you" She needed time, she needed to learn to trust again before she can let herself fall. Dan understood. Dan wanted to help Jo.

Months passed. Dan embraced Jo with constant love and care. They laughed and learned and cared. Jo fell deep in love with Dan. More months passed. Jo was constantly busy with her freelance projects and often kept Dan waiting for hours. And she would flare up when Danny flares up and complain. Everytime, Danny compromises after that as he understoof that jo was stressed up by work. He saw the initial beauty that he saw in Jo. Jo was grateful. Soon, Dan proposed to Jo. Handed her the ring.~ Jo was so touched. This man helped her out of the shit she fell and was stuck in. This man taught her how to trust again and love again, by showering love, embracing her with total grace. This man loves her so much. This man wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Yes, the rest of his life. She felt flattered and that dan had loved her more than she deserved. She found her true destiny...

the first time I met jo, I immediately noticed this shiny ring on her finger. The 1st question I asked her was " Are you married?". That was who I knew Jo as, apart from her artistic talent, her frank and direct personality, she is ... a loved lady.

now you see her as blessed and lucky, but remember what horrible state she was once in?
Hang on and await your rainbow~=)

CATWOMAN

It is a dumb idea to doll up or act like somebody for someone else.


The disappointment involved is so big. Maybe It is not really in my blood to doll up all the time. Well I do enjoy dolling up or dressing up at times, but only at times when I feel like doing so.

Watched catwoman, did you?
What a cool ending.
What a carefree life.
I envy that. To be free from all those pussy-wipsy kinda inside tangles.
But I dun think I can really do that. Not that much in my blood as well.
I'll just learn from her.
I should try to figure out a way to realise that it is my life.

Life is still quite good, great room with fridge and tv installed.
But gotta rush around for the hall productiopn.
Take care guys~ till we meet again~

20th Birthday

SO SO SO GLADDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!~
I finally settled my subjects and timetable~
Wednesday is insane day~ all the way from 9am to 7.30pm with only 30mins of break which will be spent walking to nie for next subject!!!~ so wednesday will be bento day for sure~
but it pays off~ cause Tuesday is one lecture day. whole day only one lecture~ hohoho~ But monday is a long day too~ 9 to 8.30pm!!! almost 12 hours!!! but at least got like 4hrs of break so its ok cause I will have time to eat and relax a little. Friday is free day! YIPEE!!!~ =D

I LOVE MY TIMETABLE!!!! for the time being...

Birthday nearing!!!
want a necklace~ super simple one and got 4bbnb to get me that~ PLUS!!! a treat to a resturant which sells a SUPER DUPER DELICIOUS PASTA!!! I was there with zr a few days back and both were mesmerized by the pasta!~ It's the BEST pasta I ever had!!! IT smelled damn nice~ fragrant creamy smell with a nice twist of herbs to keep it in lasting favour to tastebuds. The prawns are like those in penang~ muscular and crunchy when you bite through the first layer of skin to get to the sweet fresh meat~ perfect with the cream and pasta~ man I'm drooling!!!

its at the open air restuarant surrounding the fountain at the basement of rafflescity. the pastas on promotion are cheap but the other dishes are rather costly. so.... I'm going back or more pasta on my birthday with 4bbnb!~hipeE!~

Zr was pleading me to give clue to what I want for birthday~ The main present is up to him (which drove him a bit insane, he sux at this), and there goes my clues for the supplement present :

1) impractical (girls shd had gotten it straight )
2) normally you give it to girls
3) you normally dun buy it for urself, but receive it as a gift
4) zr: is it something you wear?
kx: nope~ and its not lasting



I thought it is super duper obvious?!
But he got it anyway ~ after a lot of stupid guesses. Never thought I had such a dumb boyfriend..
So I guess I'll be expecting that~

Ah, that reminds me.
There was once when we were having coffee at a cafe at basement of raffles city~ we had been there before. And we were back for a simple reason, smooth fragrant americano coffee at lower price. $3.80 If I'm not wrong~ but it has no comfy couch but we are ok with it's chair~ Anyway we like that place~ cus raffles city ain't got the pack of crowd swarming here and there like at bugis junction or orchard road. and we hate to be trapped in swarms.
He went off to get soome panadols cus he had bad headache all the time. when he returned~ he told me that he wanted to get me flower~ but it was damn expensive think about 12bucks for a stalk with a ribbon kinda thing. But It was quite enough~ the thought~ I appreciate it so much~he's like a sweet boy who aint got enuff penny to get his mummy a carnation~ haha~

My room aint fully furnished yet~ still needa get the fridge shifted back~ and that's 75bucks more for a sem~ so ex... if i go back to work at office~ then it would be settled by 2days work~ and I'll have 45bucks to get groceries~ Really needa earn money to sustain. I better go catch a nap now before I go down to have tea with zr when he returns from lesson~ then i have lesson till 8.30pm~ The thought of it makes me yawn....tata~

I felt like shit. Damn like shit.
So they wanted us to go there and replace cds?
Or is it that we appeared so damn free and available and so hard up for gigs?

Idiots. I tried to remain calm and take a cool approach.
After first song, which was sang with the audiences leaving and taking pictures and catching up, we had less than half audience left. Most of them had fled home after the 5days camp, as suggested by the emcee who said " You all may take your leave. Meanwhile, one quarter james will play some house music"
We were playing house music?
We rentedthe jamming studios and squeezed time out during holidays to practise for the house music. We took leaves from a 7.5bucks per hr job just to practise some house music. We dragged and pushed ourself to jam at late nights after a super tiring foc .. for house music...

I WISH I WISH....

I WANT

I WANT A HANDPHONE WITH GOOD CAMERA AND VIDEO CAM
A DIGITAL CAMERA.

I wanna go on holiday~ go abroad~


I MISS THOSE DAYS WITH A HEART SO SO SO KEEN ON HAVING FUN...


I wanna be happy and purposeful everyday~

Lee Lao Shi

Lee Lao Shi.... (http://ahscds.blogspot.com/)

I really respect her.
Now I really pity her.
I'm gonna send her flowers.

My WHOLE HEAD had been spinning in office scenes~ phones calls, data entry, letters and letters, courier local and abroad~ Calling and calling~

Nowadays after I reach home~ i will take out my e-guitar and quickly prac the solo I am supposed to play for iris and prac guitar for the song "here you me" by lifehouse. Fast fast before the sleep bugs conquer my consiousness.

A tear drop on the face of eternity~ how beautiful~ TAG MAHALL. My bro just came back from India~ I really envy him. i shall go next year. It really sounds damn fun.

Beauties trip how? Genting? I am so tired. Really needa sleep... yawns... nitex~ everyone please take care~ esp jac~ at the farfaraway land~....

Just now suddenly got a flash of scene pass thru my mind.
Nainai in the bed~ in pain, no, in agony.
Watty the maid, and my aunt is beside her. helpless.
She asks my aunt for medicine to relieve her pain.
My aunt asked the doctor.
She tells nainai, there is none.
Nainai ask again, give me medicine, I'm in pain.
My aunt went out and got her panadol pills.
Somehow, she got a little better and managed to fall asleep.
She woke up hours later and finished up the bowl of porridge mother cooked, half the bowl, appettite was quite good.
Then she sleeps again.
Brother was on the phone when the maid screamed.
She was breathless.


I keep getting that scene of her asking for medicine replayed on my mind as I shower.
I cried bitterly~ I don't remember crying out so bitterly since her death. But I wasn't morning over her death, I felt her pain at that moment. I don't like it at all. If I can choose to cut out any scenes in anyone's life, I'll cut that out. Don't tell me I haven't seen the worst. I don't care. This is my grandmother and I love her.

Then I Prayed hard to God.
I told him, if he exist and the whole story of bible is true, then the whole " whoever believes in me and jesus comes to heaven and the others go to hell" thing is real, Then please... please please free her~ don't get her to hell. She was such a great grandma. She treats everyone so nicely. This whole rule you set is unfair. It's not like everyone knows that you are god and she chose to not believe in you. This is unfair. It sucks.

Watched so many vids on crunchy roll today~ anime lah~ movie la~ hohoho!~

so glad prof replied me~ so i think its all going to be ok~
HATE A PROF!~ She failed my 4d despite me handing in all my work~ so i had to go thru all these shit~ this acad chairperson i went to see for the appeal to get to film~ he said i should had gone to see him regarding this issue earlier~ yep
I am SO not going to go against her for the rest of my film years~ learn to pick just one or two things to be firm with~ the rest~ let it be~ easier life~

Still angry~

suan le~ tml is another tution day~ 200bucks to be pocketed~ and i hope he pays me the 90bucks for that extra lesson tml` if not ma fan sial~

tml i wanna buy ham~ and sausages and tomatos to stock up for sandwiches to bring to office~ dun get it wrong~ i still going out for lunch~ just that sandwiches are snacks~ hohoho!~ people's lunch i take as snack~ haiz~ really need some excercise~! maybe monday after work can go bedok swimming? i bought a swimming suit at just 9.90!!!! not very nice ~ but very ok~ who cares about outlook when swimming~ and bought two clips ~ giant ones~ super duper good for a stylish clip up of all my hair~ hohoh!~ two for $1 lah!~ super crazy sales~ yea!~ can use to office~ ah!~ i love my job!!! cus i love money!!!


Gonna meet up with zr's pastor one day~ I got so many questions to ask~ so far asked thru mail` think i asked quite difficult questions~ easier to ans when face to face bah~ she is a proffessor~ have phD degreee i chinese i think~ and was a scholar~ and came from god-less background~ so i think she is nto dumb and she must had gone thru this stage and found some convincing answers~ no harm listening~ it always amazes me~ how all these scholars convert to become christians after they research and try to overturn bible~

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

took my pay for the past 6 days of work. I took early leave to jam on a day and reached late for the other cus need to go sch first. and i earned 318bucks!!!!!!!

hohoho!~ tot it was 6bucks per hr~ but ended up being 7.5bucks per hour!~

Holy SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

HUHUHUHUHU!!!!!!! damn happy!~

Money is one thing which can never make me sad.
YIPEE!!!!!!~

Will try to fight for OT!~ then it will be 10.25per hr lah!~ hohohoho!~

I LOVE MONEY!~
COMECOME MONEY~ DON'T BE SCARED~ MUMMY LOVES YOU...~ =)

Resigned from my airport job after 20 days of work~and the over paid me~ by giving me full month amount~ hohoho!~ lucky!~

Now in a exhibition company in raffles~ doing some updating of data~ so all i do everyday is to sit at my own desk and go googles and yahoo to search for address of companies~ ranging from construction company to punk rock recording company~ global~ slack and cool~ haha~ 6per hr~ alrite~

Dressed like a jockey today~ quite happy with it. looks cool. hehe~

pay finally came~ phew~ was super poor~ broke like mad~ shattered.
days where i even not go out because of transport fee. felt like shit~

Finally my first pay for the holi came~ and the tution pay came~ phew~
so happy!~

A man had a heart attack less than 10m away from me today.
in airport arrival area. when i was on duty.

I swear i thought he was dead.
dilemma, if i should conduct cpr.
Lucky he woke up when i was about to make my decision.
attended to him and the stupid ambulance took donkey years to come.
His family almost cried, or maybe they did.
he's here for heart transplant.
he is a man of humour, strong and have a loving family.
I hope he lives on finely and gets well, and go around singapore on tour with his family.

I am exhausted and I should sleep. There's a new today coming. so i should put a stop to this old today. only way is to sleep. so, goodnight. death is scary. death beside you is worse.

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back from camp~ super shag~ made some friends~ attitude and selfish campers this time. super discouraging~ some cute ppl~
airport called to ask me to go again~ with photocopy of bankbook and cert and ic. is this is yes? i think so =)
think i dehydrating~ah~ met an instructor which looked damn likethe sloth in ICE AGE!!!!~ also quite joker~ he's my rumour partner in camp despite the fact that zr is actually working there too~ so weird~ and despite the fact that i never even tok to him before~(when the rumour started) . that's the power of sec2gals~ reminds me of how i used to be~ haha~ i ran into the toilet to see myself in christabell's shades~ so i was shouting " excuse me! urgent!!!" then the gals ask~ instructor!~ why sial? then i say~ i wanna see myself in this shades~ nice nto nice not?!~ then they say nice!~ (ah~ i like trueful gals~ blinks!~)
"why sial? must be boyfriend coming right?!"
"yar!~ must be! ehhh~ luff and giggle~"(other gals)
" ah! must be francis!!!~ AH!!! INSTRUCTOR YOU LIKE FRANCIS!!!"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! was i such a joker? since i feel some resemblance?! HAHAHA~ DAMN NO LINK~ and the way they say it like the fact is so ME~ haha funny karma~ which mom shd noes it best~ doesnt affect me negatively at all~ haha~ such teasings doesnt work on me much~ due to the large spare allowance of fave skin~

THEN they went to tell francis~ and everytime they see me they sure will run here and shout together~ FRANCIS!!! haha!~ then i will smile and wave to them~ haha~ cheap thrill sial~

yea~ really reminds me of myself at that age~ ah~ really feel age working on me~ as a person~
they are teenagers with a lot of negative and positive attitude but the selfish part somehow turns me off quite badly~ hmm....~

needa sleep~ nitex!~

Just realised i din tok about the prev prev post~
it was the hormones~ haha~

I was doubting how much he cares me and blablabla~
and being childish~ he din clear up the mess in my head~ he just messed it up like a child throwing tantrum~ and i felt like hell~

but i hanged on and then~ this happened...


After going for an interview with him and sio~ we went around to some guitar shops for shopping~ hehe~ that's sio's hobby~
came to this guitar shop which sells 2nd hand guitar~ i saw this WWOW~ design guitar!~
SUPER VINTAGE~ got statue of liberty at the front~ OMG!~ I MUST HAVE IT!!!!~ he came by and ask me what i looking at~ so i showed him and said!~ OMG!~ THIS IS .....the ONE!~ i must have it!!!~
it was 150bucks~
"yar, style leh~ you want buy ah?"
me, nod FURIOUSLY
"but i no money~" says me
" i got, cash~ from tution~"
tried the guitar~ sounds good~ asked the uncle if can cut down the price~

" cannot lah~ aiyah~ best price i can give you is 120. "
he went back to try the guitar plucked in to amplifier~
ask me to try~ i like~ i must have it~ i MUST!!!~
" but not worth la~ if 100 then we buy ok?"
i agree~i went to pester the uncle~
failed~
afternmuch time~ and consideration~ we decided that it is too xiong to buy it~ then we have to eat wind and drink rain for that month le~
" suan le lah~ after get job then buy la~ it wun be bought by others de la. 120 is too steep la~ cus got defects~ you still need to fix and reformat the guitar leh~ need extra money for that~"
he left~
i din follow~ my legs din wanna walk~ they can't move~ i wan it toooooo BADLY~ =(
he looked back and realise i din go~ i bet i never once sulked this badly in my whole life~ he came back and look at me~
"aiyoh......really wan ah?"
he went back to try the guitar again~ think and think~ then
"ok la~ buy la"
i was like!~ YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
that guitar felt so damn right!~so he added a electric guitar bag and he practically emptied his whole wallet to pay~
i couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day~ smiling like an idiot all the way~hehehehe!~
and he looked at me with the "worth it la" sort of smile~
he took the guitar back to his home to scrub and clean up and polish and fix the missing screws~ next day when he pass me it~ it was SParklING~and looks new!~
hahaha~
and so~ we went suffering from poverty, living on his savings~ which we earlier on intended not to touch ~ till next week when my allowance form parents came~ ah~ financial aid!~

I know...~ I'm lucky. =)
i always knew it~ but I never knew i was THIS lucky. =)


CONCLUSION: IT WAS THE HORMONES!!!! arghx!~ jiemin!!! I HATE PMS!!!~

thankz jac and mom~ the comments left was very "jiayou"ish~ =)