Oh god, what had I been doing?

I just emailed my prof to demand for my short film to be shot.
The reason to why i ended up so pathetic and crying all day is because I chose to take up the role of the victim, the powerless.
As long as you feel that you are right, don't bend your knees like I did. She won because she was stubborn like an ox.
She won because she shouted louder than me.
She won because I cried.
She won because she continue to shout when I cry.

but this is not going to continue.


Dear Wenshing,

The attached is my script and treatment which i just sent to jaymz.
Please take a look when you see this email, as this will ensure that we get a fair chance to experience making our own film.
It is important for us to have this experience.
Yes being the art director of Amin's film is exciting and challenging too. But all other coursemates are having this experience as a art director or DP too. I feel that we shouldn't be depreived of this experience. Shouldn't we be given equal chance to explore and experience and to see our own baby on the big screen no matter how ugly it turns out to be? Fair chance to succeed or to fail and climb up again as a better person? It is unfair to me if I am to be judged as ready or not to make a film just by looking at the script, which is under the script-writing module and not the digital film-making module. I think a fair judgement of my readiness to make my film should come after seeing my film.

I need your guidiance, I really do.
But other than guidiance, I believe that it is also important to learn through our own experience. The two should go hand in hand, both as important. I hope that you can let me embark on my own journey as a film maker and guide me along.

Regards,
Kexin

I am going to fight back.
why did i have to go to another professor who is of higher authority, to get him to help me try to talk wen-shing out?
This is my journey to being a film-maker.
This is my business.
i can deal with this.
If it doesn't work, i will find the dean.
If it still doesn't work, then it is getting plain too ridiculous.
I will find the papers.


this had been going way to ridiculous.
This has to stop.
If i dun start defending myself now at the age of 20, I am going to be so fo rthe rest of my life.

this all came to me when i suddenly recall this part of my memory, when i was P5. A super fierce teacher accused me of talking during assembly. The bitch beside me told the teacher as well that i talked to her. I am so fucking agitated. I cried. But I stood damn firmly that I did not talk and that i am wrongly accused. my teacher was damn shocked. And she ask me then why that stupid teacher said that I talked. I cont with my repeatative" I nv talk!" dialouge. She asked me if i wanna go find that teacher to ask her why she accuse me of talking then. i said yes. And i really did. She was damn shocked i swear. She was taken back. i cried in front of two classes but i wasn't afraid. i was proud.

What happened to me? Where is my guts? At least it's back now. And I hope it stays for good. Dear friends, be strong.