I think I'll be fine. It's just another impossible guy met. It's not like I haven't been through this shit before. The irony part is, this one was the one who cleanly pulled me out of that shit. It was when I got together with zr then ron's words start to totally not matter and he doesn't mean anything special to me at all, and only then, he could did me no harm. Oh, so will a 2nd zr appear and pull me out of this shit and eventually end me in another pile? Oh man, it better not happen,that will be too much a misfortunate love life. I din't really needed any guy special. I really din't. So why do they have to come and become special?

I love him. I think he loves me. He just din't give much shit sometimes or most of the times. Oh maybe he din't really loved me. Or maybe it is really just his character. Maybe I made a mistake,he din't love me deeply the way I did, maybe.
The sad part is that I still some what feel that we will be together~like it shouldn't end. But I am SO DAMN sure that he will not throw away his bad temper to get me back. He assured me that by his attitude and by my knowlege of him. Maybe he is a jerk. Wait. No. He is not a jerk. He just has a problem with handling situations and he is ungentlemanly and insensative and self-centred. He has lots of good too. He is very direct and frank and humorous and like a child.

Or maybe I was too easy. Whatever. Don't feel like thinking too much. Since distance made him listen, it might be as simple as this. We were too close? Whatever.




really.








whatever
WHATEVER

WHATEVER.

She will be loved

Just read taitai's blog. It was written like more than a year ago.
Her world seems so clear cut, love the way she tell her story from a 3rd person point of view. so funny~ so nice to read~

This girl is quite an extremist~.
She knows exactly how she feels and how she wants to react and reacts the way she wants.
She is hardly bounded by anything.
She has a big patch of tattoo which slapped right on her back. A beautiful lotus which she designed.
Once upon a time, Jo (aka taitai) was an inconfident girl. She has natural curly hair and a pair of beautiful light brown eyes. She loves her boyfriend. However, he releases her hand whenever a pretty girls walk by and is harsh to her, and oh how he HATES her curly hair. She rebonded her hair again and again, whenever the curls start to show a little. She felt terrible. But she couldn't let go, or rather, she did not want to let go. She suffered inside and cried again and again, whenever he let her down. She still held on. One day, the guy ditched her. There is nothing she can do to get him back. She was devastated. She cried even more~ She was so sad and lost, oh, how she loved this guy~ She soughted pain. She wanted to hurt herself. She designed a lotus and went to far east plaza, and got it done on her back as a tattoo. She felt the pain. She felt better. Then she moved on with life, still hurting. It was terrible.

One fine day~ she asked her friend for help in video-editing. Her friend introduced her to this guy named Danny~ who din't mind meeting Jo to teach her and help her with her project. They met. They hit it off. Danny fell deep in love with Jo. Perhaps it was mutual, but Jo was too scarred and too afraid to acknowlege anything along that line. Eventually, Dan won Jo over and they were together. However~ Jo told Dan honestly, " My heart is not with you" She needed time, she needed to learn to trust again before she can let herself fall. Dan understood. Dan wanted to help Jo.

Months passed. Dan embraced Jo with constant love and care. They laughed and learned and cared. Jo fell deep in love with Dan. More months passed. Jo was constantly busy with her freelance projects and often kept Dan waiting for hours. And she would flare up when Danny flares up and complain. Everytime, Danny compromises after that as he understoof that jo was stressed up by work. He saw the initial beauty that he saw in Jo. Jo was grateful. Soon, Dan proposed to Jo. Handed her the ring.~ Jo was so touched. This man helped her out of the shit she fell and was stuck in. This man taught her how to trust again and love again, by showering love, embracing her with total grace. This man loves her so much. This man wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Yes, the rest of his life. She felt flattered and that dan had loved her more than she deserved. She found her true destiny...

the first time I met jo, I immediately noticed this shiny ring on her finger. The 1st question I asked her was " Are you married?". That was who I knew Jo as, apart from her artistic talent, her frank and direct personality, she is ... a loved lady.

now you see her as blessed and lucky, but remember what horrible state she was once in?
Hang on and await your rainbow~=)

CATWOMAN

It is a dumb idea to doll up or act like somebody for someone else.


The disappointment involved is so big. Maybe It is not really in my blood to doll up all the time. Well I do enjoy dolling up or dressing up at times, but only at times when I feel like doing so.

Watched catwoman, did you?
What a cool ending.
What a carefree life.
I envy that. To be free from all those pussy-wipsy kinda inside tangles.
But I dun think I can really do that. Not that much in my blood as well.
I'll just learn from her.
I should try to figure out a way to realise that it is my life.

Life is still quite good, great room with fridge and tv installed.
But gotta rush around for the hall productiopn.
Take care guys~ till we meet again~

20th Birthday

SO SO SO GLADDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!~
I finally settled my subjects and timetable~
Wednesday is insane day~ all the way from 9am to 7.30pm with only 30mins of break which will be spent walking to nie for next subject!!!~ so wednesday will be bento day for sure~
but it pays off~ cause Tuesday is one lecture day. whole day only one lecture~ hohoho~ But monday is a long day too~ 9 to 8.30pm!!! almost 12 hours!!! but at least got like 4hrs of break so its ok cause I will have time to eat and relax a little. Friday is free day! YIPEE!!!~ =D

I LOVE MY TIMETABLE!!!! for the time being...

Birthday nearing!!!
want a necklace~ super simple one and got 4bbnb to get me that~ PLUS!!! a treat to a resturant which sells a SUPER DUPER DELICIOUS PASTA!!! I was there with zr a few days back and both were mesmerized by the pasta!~ It's the BEST pasta I ever had!!! IT smelled damn nice~ fragrant creamy smell with a nice twist of herbs to keep it in lasting favour to tastebuds. The prawns are like those in penang~ muscular and crunchy when you bite through the first layer of skin to get to the sweet fresh meat~ perfect with the cream and pasta~ man I'm drooling!!!

its at the open air restuarant surrounding the fountain at the basement of rafflescity. the pastas on promotion are cheap but the other dishes are rather costly. so.... I'm going back or more pasta on my birthday with 4bbnb!~hipeE!~

Zr was pleading me to give clue to what I want for birthday~ The main present is up to him (which drove him a bit insane, he sux at this), and there goes my clues for the supplement present :

1) impractical (girls shd had gotten it straight )
2) normally you give it to girls
3) you normally dun buy it for urself, but receive it as a gift
4) zr: is it something you wear?
kx: nope~ and its not lasting



I thought it is super duper obvious?!
But he got it anyway ~ after a lot of stupid guesses. Never thought I had such a dumb boyfriend..
So I guess I'll be expecting that~

Ah, that reminds me.
There was once when we were having coffee at a cafe at basement of raffles city~ we had been there before. And we were back for a simple reason, smooth fragrant americano coffee at lower price. $3.80 If I'm not wrong~ but it has no comfy couch but we are ok with it's chair~ Anyway we like that place~ cus raffles city ain't got the pack of crowd swarming here and there like at bugis junction or orchard road. and we hate to be trapped in swarms.
He went off to get soome panadols cus he had bad headache all the time. when he returned~ he told me that he wanted to get me flower~ but it was damn expensive think about 12bucks for a stalk with a ribbon kinda thing. But It was quite enough~ the thought~ I appreciate it so much~he's like a sweet boy who aint got enuff penny to get his mummy a carnation~ haha~

My room aint fully furnished yet~ still needa get the fridge shifted back~ and that's 75bucks more for a sem~ so ex... if i go back to work at office~ then it would be settled by 2days work~ and I'll have 45bucks to get groceries~ Really needa earn money to sustain. I better go catch a nap now before I go down to have tea with zr when he returns from lesson~ then i have lesson till 8.30pm~ The thought of it makes me yawn....tata~

I felt like shit. Damn like shit.
So they wanted us to go there and replace cds?
Or is it that we appeared so damn free and available and so hard up for gigs?

Idiots. I tried to remain calm and take a cool approach.
After first song, which was sang with the audiences leaving and taking pictures and catching up, we had less than half audience left. Most of them had fled home after the 5days camp, as suggested by the emcee who said " You all may take your leave. Meanwhile, one quarter james will play some house music"
We were playing house music?
We rentedthe jamming studios and squeezed time out during holidays to practise for the house music. We took leaves from a 7.5bucks per hr job just to practise some house music. We dragged and pushed ourself to jam at late nights after a super tiring foc .. for house music...